The New Normal
by her name is erika
Summary: "What is normal?" / Or, in which Reed and Mattie trying to find a sense of normalcy of their own making. ReedMattie.


**The New Normal  
show: **Young & the Restless  
 **summary:** "What _is_ normal?" / Or, in which Reed and Mattie find a sense of normalcy of their own making. ReedMattie.  
 **central character(s):** Mattie Ashby, Reed Hellstrom  
notes: This is my second piece with these two. Little by little, their dynamic is starting get layers – especially ones of angst. I like that it is truly developing as a teenage pairing true to life. In fact, they remind me of an early version of JT and Colleen. I don't know what will happen with them so far, but I like what I see so far. As always, forgive any typos, I'm human and prone to mistakes but will do my best. I'm sorry for any typos or mistakes I may make.  
 **disclaimer:** I own nothing. I expect no monetary stuff for it. It's all just entertainment and on the basis of my imagination. I don't own anything by Sylvia Plath or Robert Frost. I don't own any songs mentioned in this piece either. Forgive me for the length as well but it was needed. I tried to edit this but forgive any typos. I will do a better edit in the morning.

* * *

 **1.**

Reed drives home from Grandma's concert with Mom thinking three things: the respect he has for her gets bigger when he can't think it can and she's his hero, it's nice to chill with the whole family tonight because it never really happens anymore and the vibe between them is completely weird right down to Aunt Abby throwing a drink of Mom's face.

He's worried as hell when she falls backwards and hit her head, but more than anything, Reed is confused. He's only driving because Mom may be hurt even though she gets tough and says she's just fine. Reed sees her lightly touch her head and flinch but doesn't say anything.

"Mom," he says again, but this time he's tentative. It's kind of like trying to add a chord to a song but not really being sure if it fits within the song when it's done. Reed doesn't know how to ask her again but doesn't want to make the night anymore weirder than it already is. He stops at a red light and he's relieved he can look at her. Really get a look at her. "I know you don't want to but you hit your head pretty hard. We can go get you checked out really quick and then go home."

Mom laughs, and then smiles. The light turns green and Reed is driving again.

"No, no, I'm good. I promise. You know it'll take more than hitting my head to affect me. You have no idea how many times your grandfather has called me hard-headed and stubborn," she tells him, making him smile. "You're like me that way. Stubborn."

Reed smirks and rolls his eyes, making a smooth left hand turn on a side street.

"I'm not stubborn, Mom."

"Anyone who has as much determination as you do is stubborn," she says, and smiles in _that_ way. It's like she knows something he doesn't. Or, does and does tell right away. He turns on their street, makes it to the driveway. Reed sees his black car, he drives Mom's dark blue one and sees what looks to be Billy's silver one. Maybe Billy comes over to hang out with Johnny and Katie with Hannah. He's not sure but whatever. Mom grins at him and raises an eyebrow. Okay, she _does_ know something or acts like he does.

"Okay, what? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I'm just wondering something," Mom says, still smiling. "Humor me, please."

"Fine," Reed agrees with a sigh, pulling the keys out of the ignition. He drops them in her palm and puts them in her purse. He looks back at her. "What?"

"I know you're determined with your music. That's obvious. However, I am curious about your determination when it comes to Mattie Ashby."

There is no determination. There's no anything with him and Mattie. Sure, he thinks she's fun to hang out with. She's a bookworm and a nerd but Reed appreciates that about her. Sure, Charlie's an asshat but he won't hold that against her. There's no way to decide the family a person ends up in. Besides, he's learning very quickly that yes, he's one of them and therefore, the Newman Family is anything but normal. He and Mattie are just friends.

Reed pulls a face and opens the driver side door while Mom opens the passenger one.

"Yeah. You hit your head harder than you thought."

—

"I won a poll at school. Lou put it together and it makes me want to kick his ass."

Mom looks at him, amused. "Excuse me? The same Lou who fell out of a tree and broke his arm, I'm guessing."

"Yes. That idiot."

Reed sighs, and touches his hair. Lou is a dumbass, an idiot and his best friend.

"What poll?"

"Who has the hottest MILF… I won."

Mom glances at him, as they walk up the driveway. She laughs, again and Reed is relieved to hear it. He can't get the sound of Mom hitting her head on the ground out of his head but for someone who is used to hearing sounds louder than that, he will eventually stop hearing it. She makes a confused face.

"What's a MILF?"

Reed explains, rubbing his head with a sigh, "It stands for something."

"What?"

He'll kill Lou for this when he sees him. It's so weird. Reed legitimately feels weird.

Reed sighs again, "It stands for Mother I'd Like To— finish the rest, Mom."

She stares him like she doesn't get it. Reed watches her pause, putting it together before she looks at him, surprised. Reed would laugh but that would be rude and he's way too disturbed to find it remotely funny. Reed has the hottest mother in his grade. Mom is beautiful, he knows that. It's fucked up that a bunch of teenage dudes think that much less vote on it. It's creepy. He's dead serious about killing Lou for it. Dude has crossed a line.

"Oh!" Mom says, finally getting it. "Oh my God, seriously? I don't know whether to be flattered or disturbed."

"Be disturbed," Reed says, seriously, putting the key in the lock. "It means you're normal."

—

When Reed walks in the door with Mom, he can see but he can't hear. He sees them and it feels like a time warp. It feels like he's at a piano, playing a piece he does before but is forced to do it again until the notes blur. It feels like he writes a song with verses, a chorus but no hook and he has to sing and play it until he can't. Oh, _this_ must be déjà vu. He's heard of it, but it's strange to feel it. The clothes are different. The time of day is slightly different. Whether it's pushed forward or backwards, Reed doesn't know. He knows the vibe of his house is suddenly off and it angers him, more than anything.

Reed blinks again, and the fog starts to clear up. He's seeing everything vividly. The mental notes in his head are resting comfortably on the staff with its five lines. The guitar chords rearrange themselves in the right tabs so he can configure his hands to play them. The people are the same. The bullshit follows the same sequence and Reed's emotions are the same as they are when he's subjected to this shit show again. Actually, that's a lie. His feelings are a little bigger, and feels more intense than last.

There's a knot of irritation forming a knot like guitar strings tangled too tightly. It's a damn knot somewhere near his Mattie-related confusion is staying. He tries to rub it out, and it's not working.

Shit.

Reed makes a choice. It has come to that. He chooses to be an asshole because Billy's going to be a cowardly dick, Phyllis will take up space on someone else's turf again and Mom will be the bigger person. So, here he is, choosing to be pissed off because someone has to be.

He smiles at Billy and Phyllis sarcastically, "Do you want me to get my popcorn this time?"

—

Mom touches his arm and warns him with her face. They've gotten pretty good at understanding each other without having to say anything. It must be a family mind meld thing. He doesn't know but this is how it becomes. Reed's relationship with her has reached this point and it's not weird. Maybe, it's a little weird. Mom tells him with her eyes to stop and be quiet. They tell him that while she appreciates it, she can handle it. Of course, she can handle it because Mom is Mom.

"Reed, please. Let me take care this."

He takes him glare off _them_ and looks at his mom.

"I can't be you, Mom," he says, seriously. He's going to risk it. He'll be grounded, maybe. If he does, it's worth it. He just doesn't want her hurt. Reed watches her let Aunt Abby off the hook and be cool about taking that drink to the face. She's acting like she's okay with her head even though he sees her flinch and touch it twice already. Reed looks her straight in the eyes. "I can't watch you be chill about this. You shouldn't have to."

Reed turns his gaze on them again, sticks his hands in his pockets and shrugs.

"How did it go from _it won't happen again_ to _let's do it again_? I'll tell you guys how. Part of me doesn't want to waste my breath, but a bigger part of me will tell you straight up what Mom won't—"

"Okay, got it. We'll go," Phyllis grabs her purse and moves to leave.

"Nah. You don't get to be noble. You've played with my brother and sister. You can stay a little longer."

"Reed, please…"

"No, Mom," Reed says, angrily. Not at her but the whole situation and the fact that it happens again with the same lack of thought. It's not thought through. Reed can't judge anyone for not thinking anything through. Not when he buys porn – yeah, he knows he can get it for free but that's beside the point. Reed doesn't think through getting tipsy at a Newman dinner he doesn't want to be at and besides, the hangover is hell. "I can't figure out why I've had to see this shit go down twice. Billy, your hands aren't broken. You're co-parenting with my mom, right? So, why didn't you shoot her a text or call Mom really quick? It wouldn't have been so hard to let my mom that know your girlfriend would be here. It would have been nice of you, considering you stopped living here ages ago."

Billy looks him and then at Mom.

"Vick, do you feel the same?"

Mom gets quiet and then sighs. She crosses her arms.

"He's not exactly wrong. It was going to happen. It's not something out of left field. You guys are truly a couple. You're serious like you keep saying you are so the kids are going to meet Phyllis. It's how things are going to be from now on. We're all mature here, but Reed isn't necessarily wrong like I said before," she shrugs, while Reed watches her rub her forehead and wince. "I would have liked to know. That's all."

"Okay, that's fair," Billy says, finally with a nod. He turns to Phyllis and goes back to talking to Mom. "She was great with them. We all had a good time."

"Johnny and Katie are great kids. It was nice to meet them."

Reed feels that knot of irritation tighten again. Still, it won't go away. He doesn't care. Honestly, Reed either wants them to leave or hopes that something gives him a reason to leave. It's too damn crowded in here.

"Thank you."

He rolls his eyes and if his phone goes off. He gets a text. Reed glances down at his phone screen. Mattie.

 _Really sorry about before. Crimson Lights?_

He taps a quick reply. _Yeah, sure. Be there in fifteen._

Reed silently thanks Mattie for the interference. Thank fuck.

"Mom, I'm going to go to Crimson to meet up with my friend. That cool with you?"

"Yeah, yeah," she says, right away. "Go. I'm good. I promise."

He grabs his car keys off the desk, hugs her and moves to leave. There's another thing he has to say to Billy and Phyllis because again, Mom won't and she looks wrecked. Reed walks toward the door but turns around before he walks through it to go outside. Well, more Billy. The irritation isn't as strong anymore but his nerves are borderline shot. Some coffee, sanity and seeing a friendly face is nice. Seeing Mattie is even better. Reed is liking better to know her because they're friends. Friends do get to know other friends. It's nothing serious.

"Wait," Reed says, turning around to look at the invaders in his house. Well, repeat ones. Yes, Billy is Johnny and Katie's dad. Phyllis is his girlfriend. Sure, they're serious. So, what? "I'm going to say this because again, my mom is a high road kind of person so it's up to me. Don't do this a third time. I'm not okay with Mom being disrespected this way. I never will be," he shoots a pointed glance at Billy because again, this is on him. It always is. It is the first time and yet, here it is again. "Dude, we're still good but don't pull this bullshit again, or you won't have problems with Mom next time. You'll have them with _me_."

"Reed…" Mom glares at him and says his name in that way – the tone a parent talks in when they tell their kid not to be stupid or do anything stupid. She gives him those Ice Queen eyes he's used to now. "Go. Meet up with your friend. We'll talk about that sailor mouth of yours later."

He merely grins, "You're welcome, Mom."

Reed walks out of the door, letting it close behind him. As he walks to his car and opens the driver's side, he lets the cool air rest in his lungs like the cigarette smoke he starts to get acquainted with. He knows it's a messed up habit. It's not cool and yes, he knows all about the carcinogens. Chemicals that cause cancer. He learns that in Ms. Hansen's biology class, sort of. He can already hear Mom yelling at him and freaking out worse than the fact that he isn't a virgin anymore. He and Kendall are friends with benefits a few times until they aren't. No big deal in the grand scheme of things. Sex isn't as life altering as adults make it to be.

He understands the bad stuff when it comes to smoking but it takes the edge off and gets rid of the stress. Reed knows he's not even that addicted. He can smoke half a Newport Menthol cigarette and be fine. Reed gets into his car, aware of the pack he hides deeply in the center console with a black lighter. Tonight, he may just have a smoke.

As Reed starts his car and drives to Crimson Lights, he remembers there's only one cigarette left. After watching the Newman Family Circus of tonight – Grandpa and Uncle Nick bolting only for Grandpa to come back all angry, Grandma there and then gone, Aunt Abby throwing a drink in Mom's face – Reed inhales and then exhales the breath he doesn't know he's holding. That, here, should be enough reason to smoke. Just one drag. Just one to help him mellow out and be sane.

Reed deserves the smoke warm and familiar in his lungs. He wants to feel shot of nicotine buzzing beneath his skin when he blows it out until it disappears in the dark.

* * *

 **2.**

If someone asks Mattie what her favourite subject in school is, she can't choose.

She doesn't have any preference. Every subject has their pros and cons, but she works hard to make sure each one of them are learned perfectly. She doesn't mind the math formulas of Advanced Calculus and Advanced Trigonometry. When a bunch of numbers and letters are applied to one formula, the answer always comes out the same. The mathematical answer is factual and true. The same is with science. She can mix different formulas together chemically and she knows ahead of time what it will become. Mattie finds comfort in knowing what's ahead because surprises have too many variables.

Mattie loves English and immersing herself in old literature, non-fictional autobiographies, and short pieces of poetry. As surprising as it is to other people, Mattie's favourite poets are Robert Frost and Sylvia Plath. Frost talks about two roads diverging and wonders. Why doesn't Dad take the road that doesn't have him cheat on Mom, and get a woman she doesn't know – she doesn't want to know Juliet and love this baby as awful as that sounds – pregnant? Why doesn't Dad take the path that doesn't have him getting drunk? Why doesn't Dad put all of them on a path that leaves Charlie mad at the world and one that leaves her confused at how they get here?

Plath is too dark for her but still, Mattie immerses herself in it. Her favourite poem is _Mirrors_ for the prose but she hates it for what it means.

I am not cruel, only truthful.  
The eye of a little god, four cornered.  
It is pink, with speckles. I have looked at it for so long.  
I think it is part of my heart. But it flickers.

Here she stands in front of a mirror that is shining. Mom is beautiful and has it all figured out. Dad is handsome, warm, honest and her hero. She's looking at her shining family. It's just the four of them. She and Charlie argue but they love each other as siblings even more, as twins. Perfection. Most of all, her parents are in love.

Now, this mirror is full-length and cracked. The lines are jagged, brought on by Dad's lies and the pain in Mom's eyes. This mirror tells her something else. Mattie looks at it and what she sees staring back at her can't be undone and changed. Charlie leaves and when Dad looks into her eyes and tells her he loves them, she can't bear to hear anything else. So, she leaves too. Mattie feels sick. She feels cheated and deceived.

Most of all, Mattie feels the shards of that broken mirror cut her feet through her shoes when she almost runs out of the house. It's just a house.

It's not a home. Not anymore.

—

"This shit is crazy," Charlie says, as they stand in the driveway. Mattie watches him pace up and down. She knows he's angry. He's probably angry for the both of them since Mattie can't find her anger yet. "How the fuck did we get here?"

However, this kind of sadness suffocates her. She's drowning and she needs to go so she can breathe. Part of her wants to lock herself away in her books, pens, highlighters, and research. Part of her wants to drown everything out with the sound of her fingers tapping the keys of her laptop.

Her brother looks at her, anger in his eyes. The wind is light but cool against her skin and her hair. Mattie tries not to shiver not because of that air but because of what is to come. How can she react to Juliet? How does she react to this baby even though logically she knows it does nothing wrong? How does Mattie find rage strong enough to tear this woman apart like she does her family?

"Mattie, you know everything so how did we all get here?"

Mattie looks at her twin brother, annoyed. "I don't know, Charlie!" she snaps, even though it's not his fault. She sighs and crosses her arms, glancing away to force the tears back. "I… I'm sorry. I'm just as confused as you are."

He pulls the key keys out of his pocket and walks over to the driver's side of their shared car.

"Screw this. Let's get out of here."

Mattie glances back at her house and then down the street. It seems to stretch on forever to nowhere but leads somewhere. That's where Mattie would like to be. Mattie wants to be at Crimson Lights with iced tea, her favourite oatmeal raisin cookie, and a friend. She pulls her phone out and taps the screen, debating whether to even text him. She feels bad for blowing him off, but Reed is just concerned. The fact that they're friends and he cares, is nice. She appreciates that.

She smiles, remembering her selfie taken with Reed the day she hangs out with him by the pool. They are more Crimson Lights hangouts, more times they hang out by the pool and she actually swims this time. Mattie remembers because Charlie is a jerk about it but she can handle herself. She doesn't need to be warned or protected.

Frankly, Mattie needs an escape to nowhere.

"Yeah, okay," Mattie agrees, with a nod. "Let's go. I can't go back in there."

She taps a quick text after finding Reed in her contacts. _Really sorry about before. Crimson Lights?_

Reed replies, _Yeah, sure. Be there in fifteen._

Mattie can't help but grin. Something good does happen tonight in the middle of the mess she's wading through ankle deep, but she isn't drowning. With Reed's company, she thinks she may stay above rough waters. She pockets her phone in the back of her jeans. She looks up to meet Charlie's annoyed look.

"What?" Mattie asks, deadpanning. She rolls her eyes and slides into the passenger side.

"Seriously? Why do you bother with that musical waste?"

Mattie closes the door, just as Charlie slams his door.

"His name is Reed," she says, with a glare of her own and turns around to put her seatbelt. Charlie starts the car by turning the ignition. Charlie curses under his breath.

"You say that like I should give a shit."

Mattie shrugs, nonchalantly, "You say that like I expect you to. Shut up and drive me to Crimson Lights."

* * *

 **3.**

Mattie arrives at Crimson Lights. Charlie asks her if she'll be okay. She says she will be and hugs him because she wants to and he's the only one feeling the same as her. He has this movie thing with Zoey, and she's going to have an iced tea and her oatmeal raisin cookie. Most people think oatmeal raisin is a gross combination and shouldn't be within the same baking neighborhood. People think it's a weird one but whatever, Mattie has always been weird. She's the one doing school in the summer when she's already ahead and could graduate next year if she wants. Mattie doesn't want to though. She wants to experience everything there is to high school.

She gets out of the car and walks through the back patio inside. There are people here. Friends that laugh. Couples that hold hands. Parents with loud little kids that are so carefree she's almost jealous. The odd one or two people sitting at tables alone. Mattie scans her eyes to see if she can see the tall guy with a mop of dark hair, blue eyes, nice smile and someone who is surprisingly easy to talk to. Oh well. He isn't here yet so she might as well order her cookie and iced tea.

Mattie walks up to the counter to see the barista. His name is Jonathan. Dark hair styled in an odd mohawk, brown eyes, thick eyebrows and a dimple in his left cheek when he smiles.

"Hey," Mattie says, slapping a five on the counter. "Medium iced tea and an oatmeal raisin cookie?"

"Sure," Jonathan replies, with that dimpled smile and points at her. "Mattie, right?"

Mattie nods.

"Yeah."

"Yes!" he says, with a brilliant smile, pumping his fist. "I'm usually bad at names but I see you here with your head in a book, so I figured I should be acquainted with your name. I'll get your iced tea ready and lucky for you, the oatmeal raisin cookies are fresh. Hot out of the oven."

"Thank goodness," she breathes, with a relief she can't understand. She muses that it's because she's about to have the warmth of her cookie and cool sweetness of the iced tea on her tongue. It's been a night that leaves a bitter taste in her mouth. She taps her finger on the counter waiting, the smell of the cookies in the air. Mattie swears she hears the name Juliet somewhere and it sparks something in her head. It's like a switch, a domino that knocks down the rest until the last one falls sharply. That woman knocks over her father, who knocks over her mother, which in turn, pushes her and Charlie down. Suddenly, here the four of them are on the ground with their whole house about to be rubble.

Mattie watches a small dark-haired woman walk up to the counter and stand a few meters from her. That's Juliet. The woman who accuses her dad of sexual harassment and triggers a lawsuit that is baseless. It is baseless until made worse and Ms. Newman has to fire him. She has a raspy voice, dark hair and she _is_ beautiful. It doesn't matter to her because the ugliest circumstance is inside of her.

Part of her doesn't want to say anything to this woman. Mattie thinks Juliet is an awful and for once, won't reach for the facts. The woman just is and that's enough. Another part of Mattie burns. It burns hot against her skin, squeezes her head until everything she knows to be true is warped. The heat works its upwards and makes her pancreas force more adrenaline. The fire makes her heart race. It squeezes her lungs.

Mattie is looking forward to a quiet night with a friend. She wants her cookie and ice tea. Instead, she finds something she is resigned to not discovering. She's odd, yes. She's smart, absolutely.

But she's human and more than anything as she stares at Juliet's abdomen.

"Hi, can I get a chamomile tea to go? Thanks."

Another barista – a woman – nods curtly with a smile and goes off to make whatever thing will be good for pregnancy. Mattie almost shudders as that heat is in her stomach and won't let her go. Mattie can feel her feet moving towards Juliet. Her mouth moving and she hears her own voice in her ears. She's not telling her mother to stop apologizing for telling her. Mattie isn't hearing her dad's apologies and pleads for some kind of understanding. That's all one vacuum of noise. Instead, Mattie hears herself speaking to the woman responsible for everything. Or, at least half of it.

"Juliet, right?"

Juliet whips around to look at her, "Uh, yes."

"We haven't met, but we should," Mattie says, with a sharp glare. She looks down at her abdomen and then back at the woman's face. So, this is truly the face of someone lying about sexual harassment in the office. This is the face of a woman who lies about a real phenomenon in the office with actual victims who are ashamed to come forward. "I'm Mattie Ashby, the daughter of the man you falsely accused of sexual harassment."

Juliet's face is one of shock and then goes apologetic.

"I… Mattie, this is a situation that I didn't intend," Juliet says, politely. "Please understand that I didn't want this. I don't want to make this any harder for you and your family," she sighs, and shrugs. "Yes, I'm pregnant with your father's child, but the bottom line is I don't expect anything."

"You expect my dad to be a non-active parent to make yourself the better person! You're not. Not even remotely close!" Mattie snaps. People start to stare her so she stops but the anger continues.

Mattie exhales and reaches for her logic. Logic is safe. Logic makes sense to her. Logic will make the anger and burning dissipate. Logic will give her clarity and make sure see things for what they are. Mattie will reach for logic only because it will give her vivid sight in the same way her glasses sharpen things for her. The mirror is in front of her is sharp in front of her and she has to look at it and sees the darkness staring back at her. It is cruel. Truly.

"It's already hard. It will be the rest of our lives! How can you say you don't expect anything from my family when you're half the reason it's shattered? For the first time ever in my life, I had to look at my father in a way I never wanted to. My mother is hurt. My brother is angry and I'm sick. You did that so I don't appreciate you playing the martyr card. Frankly, it's insulting," Mattie says, almost ranting. She stops, still agitated. "Have whatever expectations you want. That's your business, but don't expect me to love that baby. It doesn't _belong_ in my family."

It's the cruelest thing she ever says. The baby is innocent.

However, it's what it represents. It's about whatever it means. It's a reminder that some mistakes are forever and it's not fair. Nothing about this is fair.

Juliet goes to open her mouth and then closes before she adds curtly, "That's fair, Mattie. You're entitled to feel that way."

She goes to grab her chamomile, wishes her a goodnight and leaves.

Jonathan comes back with her oatmeal raisin cookie and her ice tea. Mattie says thank you and takes them. She goes to sit at a single table with them but pauses when she spies a trash can. Mattie hates throwing food away, especially if it can't be broken down to help the environment. Tonight, she doesn't care. She'd rather throw the cookie and iced tea in the trash or it will be like dirt and swamp water in her mouth.

She throws it in the trash with her tears starting to pool in her eyes behind her glasses.

Mattie walks over to her table, sits and hopes no one sees her wipe that annoying tear away on her cheek while waiting for Reed.

—

He's getting really good at figuring out where to smoke and where he shouldn't. Basically, he won't smoke in a place a Newman can appear or anyone connected to his family. Reed's favourite place is this alley two buildings away from Crimson Lights. Reed glances around, kind of relieved that's some kind of lighting but emptiness. He wants a smoke, and isn't what for being murdered like something out of a Stephen King. Yeah, it reads a few of his books except _It_. The clown freaks him out too much.

Reed pulls out his black lighter of his back pocket with a new and his last cigarette between his lips, and cups the flame as it bends against the wind. The end of it glows orange and he inhales. It's a warmth he needs. It's the shot of nicotine Reed craves. The smoke remains comforting and familiar in his lungs and he pushes it out. He rests against the wall, the brick rough against his back. The cool menthol rests on his tongue and the cigarette is comfortable between his fingers as Reed inhales again, taking in another drag. As he blows out another steady stream of smoke, he sees a shadow from his peripheral vision. If it's anyone he knows, he is royally fucked. If it's an axe murderer, he's dead. It gets closer and when he looks, he jumps.

Reed's heart is beating but he knows who it is and now, he's just annoyed.

"Jesus!" Reed yells. "Jensen, what the fuck is wrong with you? Scared the shit outta me!"

It's Andrew Jensen. Well, Jensen. Captain of the school football team. They're not friends, but Reed is used to him by now and he's a cool dude. He's not the typical jock. Jensen doesn't give anyone a hard time or is a dickhead. But he's loud, and borderline annoying. However, in some weird way, Jensen looks out for him even though Reed doesn't need it so maybe they are friends. Sort of. They do know the same people so that's it's enough. He's also known to give – by that Reed means, sell – kids with a whole bunch of shit that will help a person get a high, drunk or both. Reed will admit that he tries weed one tine with Kendall after sex and hates it, but the sex is good. Jensen laughs, bottle of liquor in his hand.

"Join me, Hellstrom," he says, with a grin, unscrewing the bottle and pockets the cap in his pocket. He wags the vodka in front of him temptingly. Reed refuses, taking another hit of his cigarette. Inhale. Exhale until it gets smaller and smaller.

"Nah, I'm good. Kinda don't want to drink and drive."

"So, the other option is to blacken your lungs. Cool. Alright, then. More for me," Jensen answers, with a shrug. Reed watches him hold the clear bottle by its neck and tips it to take a long drink. When he stops, Jensen winces and exhales with a grin. "This is fucking smooth. You sure don't want any?"

Reed takes his final two drags right down to the filter, drops it to the ground and puts it out under her shoe.

"No, I'm good," Reed walks past the big figure to drive two minutes to Crimson Lights and really, to meet Mattie.

"Okay," Jensen takes another drink. "However, it's a Friday night. There's a house party about to go down. It's going to a real madhouse. Bring whoever you're meeting tonight. It'll be lame without you. Do me a solid, brother. Lou is going to be there and do some real stupid hilarious shit he'll regret and we'll laugh at it forever. C'mon…"

Reed turns around and raises a brow, "Maybe I'm _not_ meeting anyone."

"Oh," Jensen smirks, and then laughs. "Reed, I think I know when a man is messed up because of the fairer sex. I've got a lady myself."

"And you're gonna tell me?"

"Sure," the football captain shrugs, and breaks out into a smile that tells Reed he's dead serious about getting an actual girlfriend. It throws him since this dude isn't know for really settling down and be with one person. Hell, he's even fucked Kendall – right after him and before Lou. He's not that into her anymore. Or at all. Honestly, Reed is figuring out if he's into Mattie and it may be bordering on a yes, but with Mom firing her dad, he doesn't where she's at. He doesn't want to make things weird when his family is freakish enough. Reed can't shoot his love life to hell to hell either. "It's Steph."

Wait, what? Stephanie Larsen. That Steph? The girl who is brilliant at editing his cover and original videos but didn't remotely smile. When she does, it almost always turns into the smirk of a smart ass. Sometimes, she takes a cigarette from him but to be fair, he steals her favourite lighter to lit his. Steph dresses in all black and torn clothes something held together with safety pins, has bright turquoise streaks in her dark hair. Reed tries to visualize someone like Jensen with the girl graphic tees, torn jeans, heavy jewelry, silver nose ring and labret piercing. This is the piercing in the center of her lower lip is called, he thinks.

Steph has this weird, twisted humour he gets. Steph doesn't call him by his name ninety-five percent of the time, but calls him "Baby Morrison" because he loves The Doors that much. She thinks he looks like Jim Morrison too. Reed can't possibly piece that together. Can't put them together. He knows Steph to be really dark in a funny kind of way. The first time Steph comes over, Billy's chill with her and Mom is polite but sort of freaks out. Johnny is shy and Katie likes her enough not to care what she looks like. They think Steph is actually really cool and ask him about her.

He blinks, confused. " _You_ and Steph? No way! Are you wasted, man?"

"Ah," Jensen shrugs, the vodka bottle half empty. He smiles again. "Weirder shit has happened. No, I'm not wasted. I'm…mildly buzzed."

"Are you going to be stupid and drive?"

"Nah. Steph's gonna get me later. It's going down at her house. The family unit is in France for two weeks. Honestly, I'm just here to take a piss."

By house, Jensen means Steph lives in a house almost as big as Grandpa and Grandma's house. It's insanely huge and yes, every party at her house is insane. Reed's been to more than a few of them. He tousles his hair while Jensen walks over and claps him on the back. Like always, Reed can smell alcohol on his breath. As gross as it is, it almost feels normal.

"Come through, Reed. If you don't come, I won't be mad. Neither will Steph but again, it won't be the be the same without you. You and Corrine can do that songwriting shit you do and have it be pretty damn lit."

Corrine Marshall. Corrine is the one girl friend that is truly his friend. It's completely platonic. She's funny, and super bubbly and Reed always knows where to find her by her head of large curls that seem to be wild and all over the place. She's into music just like him and sometimes, they have features in each other's covers. Her Gasoline one is the coolest one they do, because it's filming at this actual creepy castle at night. The storyline comes from Steph surprisingly but not really. Two serial killers who are in love but hate each other because they compete with each other killing people and how many people they can get. Lou, for his all idiocy, puts a brilliant remix instrumental right the bridge so his character has this all out battle scene with Corrine's and it's a draw. The castle explodes into flames when he throws a silver lighter into a puddle of gasoline and they walk away.

The next Halsey one is her song Ghost is his and again, Corrine features. It's a bit grounded. Only this time while he and Corinne sing and do their storyline, Mom and Billy have their storyline. He and Corrine play a couple breaking up because they have to. Mom and Billy play a couple where the wife has died and the husband is so messed up with grief, he sees her ghost and doesn't let her leave him so she doesn't. Reed is surprised to hear something like that does happen but they're cool enough to do it. It takes Mom and Billy four days to do their parts but five days for Reed and Corrine to do theirs but Steph edits everything together and it comes out pretty great. Mom and Billy watch the Ghost one and they love it so much and want a copy for themselves. Of course, there has to be a Brash and Sassy connection.

Music is what brings he and Corrine together. They write their own songs, bounce ideas off of each other. There's only one time where musical vibes forces Reed to have some weird attraction to her he can't understand. Corrine can't either even more so on her part because she's gay. Maybe it's being way into their music, their musical energies colliding or being in one space for too long but he ends up having sex with her. Twice. It happens those two times but it doesn't make their musical sessions weird. They stay friends, really good ones. Reed would go to the party to chill out with her, but he's not into it this weekend.

Jensen adds, almost tempting him, "Bring your girl."

"She's not my girl."

Mattie isn't his girlfriend. They're just…friends. It's been that way even though he wonders in the back of his head if they can be more without the awkwardness.

Jensen gives a look and rolls his eyes. He then sighs and shrugs, taking a final drink of the vodka, "Whatever helps you deal, bro."

Reed walks out of the alley, yelling over his shoulder, "I'll think about it, Jensen!"

That means he's not in the mood for it this weekend, so no. He's not going.

He leaves the alley and walks to his car, deciding if he should scrap a newly written inspired by Mattie. Reed knows he'll never sing it though. He's sure of that.

—

Mattie doesn't know how long she sits there. She doesn't count. She doesn't figure out an equation because it doesn't matter. Mattie can't trust anything. She's neck deep in this new feeling of cynicism and disillusion. Part of her worries about Charlie doing something stupid just because he can. Then she asks herself why she worries. Mattie asks why she has to trust anything or worry. If Dad can go off to a different country, make the conscious decision to get drunk and get a woman pregnant, it would be hypocritical for him to lecture Charlie or her on not doing as they please. Mattie knows there's a research paper waiting for her. Still, she can draft it, look for her sources, and make sure her thesis as strong and arguable as possible. Now, in this moment, Mattie just sits here. She sits in Crimson Lights, customers floating. Sometimes, they bounce off of each other like atoms and molecules that are part of something bigger. What happens when it all disintegrates. What then?

She's so wrapped up in her thoughts that she doesn't see Reed rush in. Mattie doesn't get why, but she's actually happy to see him. He's just the friendly face she needs to see when there are others that are blurred or strange to her. Whether she wears her glass or decides to wear her contact lenses, she knows she's seeing everything through new eyes. Reed Hellstrom is still the same to her.

He turns around and gestures to Jonathan with a familiar grin on his face.

"Dude! Medium! Black!"

Jonathan smiles back and answers, "Of course, Reed. Got it!"

He turns that smile on her, and ruffles his mop of dark hair. He sighs.

"Sorry," Reed apologizes, sincerely. "I just needed to have a smoke. Tonight's been insane."

Mattie fidgets with a ring on her middle finger. She doesn't care that he smokes. She doesn't mind that he swears a lot. Reed's a good person and hey, she may even find him sort of cute. But that's not relevant. It doesn't help to go off on a tangent she'd rather not touch. Trying to smile, Mattie gazes into his eyes. They're blue. They're the colour of the pool water on the hotel rooftop deck. It makes Mattie recall watching him to swim and sort of wondering how someone can move that gracefully through water like that.

She looks down, trying to force her body to physiologically not trigger blushing.

Mattie looks back up at him and smiles a little.

"It's fine. My night's been kind of weird too," she replies, and she can feel the smile slipping off her face. She's pretty sure Reed sees it because of the curious way he's staring at her. "I found something really bad, but you can go first. I'm hoping your night is worse than mine for my own selfish purposes."

"Who knew?" Reed grins and then smirks at her. "Mattie Ashby _does_ have a dark side."

Before she can rebut, Jonathan comes by with Reed's coffee. In turn, Reed gives him a five and they do that guy thing where they slap palms and do that weird fist bump thing. Mattie doesn't understand it all that much. It must feel like when people look at her funny when she's happily talking about math. Jonathan leaves to handle another order. Lifting his cup to his lips, he blew on the top before taking a sip of it.

Mattie looks at him, glancing at his coffee as it rests in between his cupped palms.

"How do you drink your coffee like that?"

He shrugs, and smiles at her in a way that makes her feel strangely comfortable.

"Caffeine and I can't break up."

"Yeah," Mattie says, quietly when her chest clenches at that phrase: breaking up. There's a high probability of her family being a statistic. Of course, it's nothing shameful but still, she looks to her parent's marriage at the ideal example. When people joke that Cane and Lily Ashby are the golden couple, it makes her proud. It means that everyone else has hope to be like her parents. Mattie is one of the millions of people who are about to have someone that is a stranger but tied to her and Charlie by genetics and DNA. She sighs, a smile on her face again while working to push that clenching down to her stomach. If Mattie hopes hard enough, the hydrochloric acid will burn it. "Using this alleged dark side of mine to my advantage, tell me your night of insanity first."

"Well, it was the same as being in an asylum, only with nicer clothes."

"Really?"

"Mhmm," Reed nods, through another mouthful of his black coffee.

Reed sets his coffee back on the table. His lie is loose around his neck and he wears this plum, purplish coloured jacket. Of course, Reed would dress that way. Mattie can't help but note that it suits him in that hipster, offbeat kind of way. She listens as he tells her. His family is a circus, a family tree that is grand and larger than the rest but twisted many ways over. He tells her his grandmother's performance is great and it's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen and heard. It's like she feels the music and he gets it – the feeling of his head being blank but on autopilot until the song is over. But it takes a crazy turn. His uncle bolts, so does his grandfather only to come back looking like he goes a few rounds. Mattie's eyes widen and she gasps.

"Oh, and my mom took a drink to the face from my aunt."

"What would make your grandfather get physical with your uncle?"

"That's just it. I have no idea. Neither does my cousin, Noah," Reed answers, frustrated and then sighs. "It was a great night to hang out with the family. It was nice for things to be somewhat normal. Hell, it was even nice to hang out with my mom for the night. She's always busy, so I was glad. But something's wrong and nobody is saying anything."

"I hate that. When they try to protect you from things because they think you're too young."

"It's the worst," he agrees, and then he glances down staring at his coffee. Mattie watches his face turn serious, and kind of sad before he meets her eyes. "I'm sorry about my mom firing your dad. I know you wanted that internship at Brash & Sassy. I can still talk to my mom if you want—"

Mattie feels the pressure of built up tears behind her eyes. She's looking forward to applying for that internship the right way. She doesn't want it because her mom works there or because the boss' son is her friend. Mattie is excited to try because of her abilities and her own meritocracy. Her resume is already good enough, she thinks. She knows she's at the top of the honour roll and she can already see herself standing on the stage as Walnut Grove's valedictorian on graduation. She inhales and exhales, forcing them back.

"No. Stop apologizing," she shakes her head, cutting him off gently. Mattie's voice is steady unlike everything else around her. She looks Reed in the face. Juliet is truly the worst and she hates that Dad brings her into her life. She can't hate her dad, but when the reality hits her like a boomerang, she's disgusted all over again. "It's justified. My dad messed up and made a serious mistake that hurt the company. Your mom wasn't wrong to fire him."

A beat passes between them and Mattie broaches a subject that's foreign to her. It's borderline offensive and she feels foolish even asking. But it's needed for her peace of mind and being prepared is part of who she is. She's a perfectionist and even when things are wrong and disorganized she will drive herself crazy searching for it.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"How did you do it?"

Reed looks at her confused, like she catches him off guard. It's beyond awkward for her.

"Do what?"

"I know you told me your parents are divorced. You experienced your parents marrying other people and now, you have half-siblings and this complicated family. How do you do it every day? How do you survive it especially when you're one of _them_?" Mattie questions, inquisitively and seriously. Reed's opinion does matter to her. She adds, "A Newman."

He sighs as Mattie watches his face gets pensive. Mattie watches his fingers tap against his coffee cup and wonders if that's a habit of his. She, herself, has this habit of chewing on her pencils when in the sea of her school work. Mattie has developed a new habit of snapping a rubber band against her wrist so she doesn't dwell too much on her house being Ground Zero. GCU's library is huge, quiet with an infinite number of books and academic journals to keep herself occupied and her mind busy. The sound of the rubber band is sharp against her skin but for a split second she starts to remember. Finally, Reed speaks and his face is serious but he's not intense about it. He looks like he accepts it.

"My parents split when I was too young to remember it," he starts and one of his silver rings glints at her. "I lived with my dad most of my life, so when I came to live with my mom, it was hard. I just saw her every so often on visits. All of a sudden, I have to get to know my whole family all over again, and my little brother and sister. I had to get to know my mom over all again because we're different people now. We're cool now but we're still figuring each other. We're getting better at that. Still, I kind of had to figure it out myself because no one else was going to help me out."

"Do you have resentment towards your mother?"

"Not as much as I did when I got here. Sometimes, I do. But she's human."

Mattie knows on a logical level that Dad has regret. She can't get there emotionally.

"I just found out something really bad," Mattie discloses. It's a half-truth. She can't have the whole truth said or even on the tip of her tongue. "I thought my family was the exception. You know, normal. Even close to perfect."

Reed laughs to himself, "I learned a while ago that normal is kinda hard to find."

"You think so?"

"Yeah. I mean, take music. There's no musician that's ever been normal. Gene Simmons. Kurt Cobain. Janis Joplin. Bowie. Alice Cooper. Marilyn Manson. Hendrix. Ozzy Osbourne even. He really wasn't normal," he says and then questions. "What the hell _is_ normal?"

She's aware of those being musicians. Mattie comes across them in the many pages of one of the non-fictional anthologies she can't remember. Mattie flips through it, something on the subject of genius in between figures like Malcolm X, Nelson Mandela, Rene Descartes, Albert Einstein, Gandhi and Thomas Edison.

"No offence, but I'm not seeing the connection."

"I just mean that all of these people were seen as freaks but found their own normal. My dad went me to move to Poland with him when I was already away from my mom. I spent a good chunk of my life figuring what my normal was. I couldn't find it anymore. I didn't vibe with me anymore," Reed explains to her, smiling proudly and leans back in his chair. "I snuck onto a bus and made it to Milwaukee before the cops caught me and brought me to my mom."

Mattie genuinely laughs but doesn't believe him.

"You didn't really sneak on a bus and get home because of the police."

"I did," he admits with a grin. It goes into his easy smile again. "I didn't like my normal. I sucked. So I changed it by myself. Nobody knew."

"Must have been intense for you."

"Yeah, but I don't regret doing it."

Mattie sighs, slow tension building in her temple. It might be a stress headache or the need to get out and be in the fresh air. At the same time, Mattie has a strong need to retreat to a library even though it's empty. She wants to be stuck in the highest floor of the GCU library during extended study hours. When Mattie can't snap any more rubber bands against the skin of her wrist, she wishes to stay between the book shelves in the dark. Mattie never allows herself to finally admit that she understands why Sylvia Plath sticks her head in an oven to end her life. She can't drown like that.

She looks Reed in the eyes, and she can see the flecks of green in a sea of blue. Mattie takes a sharp inhaling breath like she's being at the bottom of a pool. The water isn't blue. It's even water that has a green tint because of the chlorine. It's black and has the consistency of ink.

Mattie feels that rage again but it's not burning hot. It's cool and slow like it's being given to her intravenously like morphine.

"I don't like my normal now, Reed. How do I change it when it's going to be permanent in nine months?"

Reed stares at her stunned. Then like a lightbulb that flickers and then illuminates, it clicks for him quietly just like it explodes for her and Charlie.

Those blue eyes have clear surprise in them when his mouth can't express it.

Crimson Lights is silent now. The customers are fading away. The tables disappear and that walls left. Mattie can't hear the background music or whatever little of it she does are far away and distant. Reed is just looking at her and she wishes he'd stops. Not because he pities her. She knows he respects too much for that.

Finally, Reed speaks, but it's quiet. It's like if he says any louder, it will go off like a bomb again. He shifts in his seat and glances down for a minute. He looks back at her but it looks that he's quietly apologizing. Whether it's for the situation or for her, she isn't sure but either, like Mom, he needs to stop. There's nothing to apologize for. Mattie seeing her dad in a new light that dims is justified. Mom's pain isn't wrong, Charlie's anger is the right emotion and her confusion is okay. The sun still revolves about the Earth and still, someone somewhere among 7 billion people dies every 7 seconds.

"Holy shit, Mattie," Reed says, sincerely. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not," she replies when she can't push those wisps of anger away and glares at where that woman once stands. Mattie can still see her. She can still hear her voice saturated in being noble and cool resignation. She looks back at Reed. "You shouldn't be either."

Mattie can see a head in an 60s-style oven. It's not hers.

She's picturing shoving Juliet's head into it instead. That's what she sees clearly with or without the glasses on her face.

* * *

 **4**.

When Reed gets to Genoa City, he knows it's home but in some ways, it isn't. There's Mom, of course and there's Johnny and Katie. But there's another part of him that feels like he's living with strangers in the same roof. He's a different person and so is his mom and it takes time for Johnny and Katie to get to know him as their big brother but it's really fast. Now, Reed likes spending guy time with Johnny and he's protective when it comes to Katie. Johnny sometimes falls asleep in his bed and he doesn't mind. Reed laughs when Johnny pulls out all of Mom's pots and pans and starts to bang on them while Reed plays. His baby brother is kind of this tornado and it's hard to tire him out. Reed writes a song about him titled _Rocket Ships_ and sings it at last week's Open Mic Night.

With Katie, it's different in that she's kinda bossy and mouthy for someone so little. She's funny and silly and likes to run into his room, jumping on to wake him up. Katie likes his music and either dances along to it, tries to sing along or watches quietly. When she presses a piano key even when it's wrong one, she's proud of herself. Her personality, her laugh, her giggles and times when she's moody is amazing. He seems to be the Katie Whisperer when she gets that way. When she smiles, Reed thinks of sunshine. He's almost finishes writing Sunshine inspired about her. It's rough but he plays it for Mom and Billy when he comes over it and they love it. He doesn't know when he'll sing it though.

Reed feels like he's figuring out who Mom is as a person and he's got it. It's the same for him. She understands him and when she doesn't get everything, she asks because his opinion is important and matters to her. Mom shows up to Open Mic Night now even though she's busy with Brash & Sassy and tells people she's proud of him and his music. He also knows that yeah, his mom is a true Ice Queen and the reason she's sort of hard on him is because she cares about him. His mom is actually really funny, has a sense of humor and like Grandma says, she's really sweet and can be chill. They eat take out and watch Game of Thrones together when Katie and Johnny are asleep or with Billy. They're too little for it. He goes from being frustrated with her to having her back.

It's nice but he feels bad for Mattie. Mom and Dad are not the people guaranteed to fit and be together. They tell him that one person wasn't at fault for their relationship going to shit. They both are but they love him and he is the best thing out of it. As a kid with divorced parents, he's used to the complications. But he knows Mattie isn't. Her parents are kinda known as the one couple who won't break and seen as perfect. In the short time he gets to know Mattie, Reed knows she's a nerd that usually has her face in a book. He also knows that she's super organized. It must be shitty to realize that her family is all shuffled now and weird. Her and Charlie are about to have a half little sister or brother and it comes from nowhere. Holy shit.

Of course, Mom would fire her dad for something so fucked up, especially it's damages her business and causes Brash & Sassy to bleed out a lot of money. It's following him at school already and he nearly hits Stevie Tucker for talking shit about it. He does punch that rat-faced piece of shit for talking smack about Mom. He won't have that, ever. Reed doesn't care about the fact that he gets in trouble. While Mom is mad at him, it's not forever and she doesn't punish him for it. She understands even though he handles it the wrong way.

It gets quiet for a little too long. Something has to fill in the silence before it gets awkward and they can't talk to each other anymore. At least, not about this. Then, he'll feel like an asshole for not saying anything that is an attempt at trying to understand or make her feel remotely better. Mattie is staring at the counter and there's a look in her eyes that is new in her even behind her glasses. He recognizes it because it's something he sees in himself months ago. Nobody should have to feel that way inside and Reed feels awful that Mattie does.

"Holy shit, Mattie," Reed says finally, hoping he sounds like he means it. "I'm sorry."

Mattie looks back to glance at him. She looks him the eyes. Reed always sees her eyes. They're pretty brown ones and the brown colour reminds of the wooden finish of one of his guitars. Resentment. That's what he sees but she looks at him and it's gone.

She replies, sounding very sure, "I'm not. You shouldn't be either."

—

"Hey," Reed asks, pulling out his car keys. "You wanna get outta here?"

Mattie ponders it. The usual part of her that hates breaking curfew or doing anything that comes off as disobedience questions if she should leave with her. It tells her that she doesn't even know where Reed will even take her. It's not smart so Mattie has to politely decline and to tell him she'll text him later. But a new part of her that's quiet but felt so acutely tells her to do it. It tells Mattie that maybe this is the one time she has to figure herself out. She doesn't have to change herself or shift anything around. All she can do is go with Reed and see things from a new perspective, a different point of view and a new set of lenses that make things clearer than she sees now.

"It's cool if you don't want to and I'll take you home—"

"Yes. I'll leave with you. Let's go," she answers with a nod, accepting his offer and smiles.

"Okay," Reed beams. "Where do you want us to go?"

"Anywhere."

"Okay."

Reed stands, grabbing his coffee cup, throwing it in a trash can. He hasn't touched it so she's sure it's cold. Mattie stands, and for once, doesn't have her backpack with her. It's part of her usually but she doesn't have it today. Mattie doesn't have a book in front of her, and she doesn't have a highlighter in her hands and a pen between her fingers. She isn't writing on paper with straight blue notes on autopilot and in deep concentration. But it's okay. Mattie can hit the library tomorrow and get started on her research paper for AP History. All Mattie wants to do is pay attention to her present. Right now.

Of course, she's still angry and confused even sad and when it strikes her, furious. Maybe Reed is not to change. Mistakes happen and her dad's mess can't be undone, but she can do what she can for herself. She's an individual. She's herself. Mattie isn't Cane and Lily Ashby's daughter, or Charlie's twin sister.

She's just Mathilda.

When she walks out of Crimson Lights with Reed, she writes the title of a new chapter in her lifelong novel:

The New Normal According to Mathilda Colleen Ashby.

* * *

 **5.**

Reed finds it calming to drive. He likes to hop in his car, put it in drive and go. The streetlights are orange blobs, and the white lines of the roads fade. The three colours of the traffic lights are suspended colours that merge into a weird tri-colour rainbow. He absentmindedly allows his musical playlist to float around him and _through_ him. Every beat, every lyric, every instrument – ones that are heard and ones beneath the surface. Reed lets his car take him wherever and absorbs the music. Meanwhile, his car seems to float along the streets and sometimes, fly. Tonight, it's the same. There's reception where he's taking Mattie so he'll call Mom later and he assumes Mattie will let someone in her family know even if it's Charlie.

It's silent while he drives but it's a comfortable kind of silence. He smiles to himself because the sky isn't as starry but there are some that sparkle. As he drives slower and slower, gravel is crunched Reed's wheels. The trees are green, the trunk rooted and strong. He remembers this path as a kid and can't believe it stays the same. He can hear the lake and so can Mattie. She looks at him inquisitively with a laugh even though she's kind of confused. It's amusing. She looks kind of cute like this. But Mattie is cute to him – not that he would ever admit that.

He stops and parks. Reed grins at her.

"Where are we?"

"My family's cabin," he answers. He points ahead. "It's up ahead. About a five minute walk from her. I'll be able to see my car from here so we'll be to get back to Genoa City when you want."

Mattie grows quiet and then looks at him. Her gaze catches hers and Reed can help but stare at her face and take in every feature perfect on it. He can't help but be captivated by her long curls and what it would be like run her fingers through them. He's never seen a smile like hers on any girl before. It's just another part of her that is unique to him and Reed grows to like her more for it.

"What if I don't want to go back?"

Reed raises an eyebrow and shoots her a questioning glance in return. He never thinks about that. He kind of figures he wants to show her the one that inspires him, silences the noises of Genoa City when it gets too loud, and the one place the closest thing to his version of heaven. The only reason it's not quite perfection is because he can't hang out with the members of 27 Club. Aside from that, it's quiet here. The cabin inside is smaller inside than it looks on the outside, but like everything else Newman, it's set up and furnished with guest rooms and something of a kitchen there. He walks through the apple orchard out back and they're ripe this time of year. Grandma has rose bushes with flowers fully grown. There's even some strawberry bushes, and a peach tree he remembers.

"You'd be cool with staying overnight or something?"

"Of course, but I don't want to assume anything."

"You're not," he says, sounding sure himself. He glances up, and there's a full moon tonight. He gets out of his car and she does too. Reed locks it with his keys, checks the time on his phone and will call Mom when he gets inside with Mattie. He likes being here and wants to show Mattie everything, but he can't help but worry about Mom and that hit her head takes at the benefit. He smiles at Mattie and jerks a thumb behind him. "Let's go."

She nods and walks with him. His footsteps intertwined with hers make a rhythm he's sure can hold the lyrics of a song he hasn't written yet. Somewhere between his car and the cabin, Reed feels Mattie's hand against his so he holds it. When her smaller hand is in his, he feels Mattie's fingers interlock with it. They share a look that says maybe they should not. Maybe it's just too weird and maybe, it's not cool. Reed doesn't want to cross a line with her ever.

In the silence, Mattie's voice is loudest but the softest all at once. Her eyes shine.

"Are you okay?"

He glances at her and matches her shy smile. He could swear there's a blush in her face, but maybe, it's his eyes are playing with him.

"Yeah," Reed finally replies when they get to the door of the cabin. Her hand is still in his. It's small and as warm as it expects. Of course, that kind warmth is in someone like Mattie Ashby. He expects it but it's like the sound of two chords gelling together. Harmonious. "I'm okay."

Reed is more than okay.

—

Mattie can't speak when she steps into this cabin. Reed isn't joking when he says it's Newman-esque. It's smaller but still huge but her definition of the word. Most cabins don't have a second floor but this one does. It has a colour and a feeling that reminds Mattie of leaves in fall even though it's summer. She stands in the middle of the living room space and lets her eyes scan everything. The living space has a large fireplace that isn't used. There's a dark mahogany mantle that holds a whole bunch of family pictures. The walls are high with elegant carvings and the crystal chandelier in the center of the high ceiling is beautiful. He tells that's his grandmother's idea and yeah, those are real diamonds. Mattie almost asks if there's a library with several books that she reads already and ones she can't wait to open. Dark brown seating furniture are on the plush carpet underneath her feet. The coffee table is marble, long and has a Buddha shaped center piece in real green jade. Reed tells her the Emperor of Japan gives it to his grandfather years ago. Mattie walks in a further to see a little kitchen, fully functioning and furnished as if someone lives on a regular basis. She hears Reed chuckling from behind her so she turns around as he's taking off taking his purple jacket. She walks up to him, narrowing her eyes in playful offence. She shoves his shoulder.

"Are you laughing at me right now, Hellstrom?"

"No. I would never, Ashby," he replies, with a laugh. She tries to glare at him but the smile on her lips betrays her. It feels great to be able to relieve some of her tension and truly laugh to loosen up. Mattie feels her phone vibrating in her back pocket so she takes it out. Oh, she sees she misses a couple of Charlie, a few from Mom, and three texts from Dad. She sighs with a roll of her eyes, pocketing it. She sees the worry in Reed's face and there's a warmth in her hand long after he stops holding it. Mattie likes his concern. She finds herself feeling for than appreciation for it from him. She could admit that Reed's concern means more to her than he will ever know. But he won't know because she won't tell him. "Something wrong?"

"It's my parents. Charlie. Nothing really important," she says, with a dismissive putting her phone back in her pocket. She gestures to his phone. Mattie knows Reed is worried about his mom. Head injuries can be unpredictable. "Hey, did you text your mother?"

"Yeah. She texted back and said she was fine. She's cool with my being here but told me to be careful. She says her head is fine. You know how parents are. Mom tends to go nuclear."

"Yeah, I do. Now, I have a question for you."

"What's up?"

Mattie grins and looks at the staircase that goes into the second floor. There's probably a library up there somewhere. If the Newman family cabin can be this grand, it must have a library on the second floor that may be Mattie's favourite place without physically seeing it. Imagining shelves lined with books and volumes is enough.

"Can you take me upstairs?"

Reed's face shows surprise and she realizes how that sounds.

She can't help her embarrassment and Mattie groans and almost swears. Almost.

"Oh, God. That come out wrong, I didn't mean to take up upstairs that way did and…" she trails off. She only stops when Reed is holding back a laugh with amusement in her eyes. She goes from being embarrassed to being annoyed so he hits him. Mattie hits him as hard as she can. Hopefully, it hurts.

Reed actually laughs and catches her hands and then lets go of them.

Warmth comes to them again, making it difficult for her to be annoyed with him. She knows he's kidding with her. Still, she can't help but being aware of her lack of her experience when it comes to sex. At the same time, Mattie is aware of his experience in that department. It's not her business. She won't ask and she won't judge. It's not okay. In her new normal, Mathilda Ashby isn't a prude or won't be.

She surveys him and smirks at him. "Anyone ever tell you what an asshole you are?"

"Yes. Several times. But hearing it from you makes my whole day," Reed replies, smoothly. She realizes that he's flirting with her. Mattie instantly makes a decision. She will flirt back because why not? Profanity is a stress reliever, she discovers. There are probably academic studies on it on the benefits of integrating it into the regular English vernacular. A part of her day has been awful, different from when she woke up.

"Then I guess, it'll be my job to tell let you every so often," Mattie says, with the same kind of effortlessness, lightly shoving him again.

Mattie has never done _that_ before. Had sex. She's not experienced when it comes to that. Everything she knows about sex comes from her parents telling her being safe sex and experiencing something like that requires being emotionally ready as well. She knows having sex is human and more than just an avenue of reproduction. She's a virgin and doesn't know she lose it or now if Mattie is truly honest. Yet that sexually curious part of herself she lets staying dormant tells her that maybe losing it earlier than being married could be a liberating, healthy encounter.

That bottom question, however, seeping into Mattie's thought process is this:

if Dad preaches the importance of understanding and considering the significance of sex only to not take his own advice, how can she continues to believe that it's credible? The answer is that it isn't.

Mattie won't declare herself a feminist and won't ever think to burn a bra in rebellion, but she does have agency and free will. Those concepts form a thesis of sorts when she mentally composes her mental chapter on her new normal. Is it hard to change, yes. Absolutely.

However, Mattie is slowly realizing that it's not impossible.

In her first bold move and instance of breaking the rules, Mattie takes Reed's hand.

"You know how you can _not_ be a royal jerk?"

"How?"

She laughs, pulling him toward the staircase, "Show me the second floor. Now."

—

Reed lets her take his hand and pull him upstairs. Whether, she hooks up with someone or not isn't something he wants to know. He values her way too much to go there much less think it. He admits that when Mattie shoves him and swears at him, it makes him think his influence he's rubbing off on her. This girl with the books on her lap and highlighters that seems glued to her hand, has something new he's just seeing. It's pretty cool. How he seeing Mattie totally changes and it's better. It's like flipping sheet music around and realizing that it sounds just as good upside down as it does right side up.

He knows where his favourite place on the second floor. It's where Reed brings his guitar to piece musical notes together and give them shading and contrast with lyrics. It's an unnamed song but the title doesn't matter. Reed plays different chords while using his ear to decide what fits and what doesn't. On the off chance that Reeds head is in the middle of a songwriting block or stuck in a rut to frustrated, he has one of his favourite cigarettes. Even here, he's careful.

Reed stuffs a pack of Newports in a floorboard under his bed in his room. It's stable enough to blend into the floor but loose enough for him to move. He's craving one right now but wants to show Mattie the deck with the swinging bench. There's a view that goes for miles and if he looks far enough Reed can see the outline of Newman Enterprises and Jabot Cosmetics. Newman Tower is a little taller though and he thinks, yeah, this is all Grandpa. He's still holding her hand and selfishly, Reed doesn't want to let go. It fits in his and Reed sees himself holding Mattie's hand when they're legit together.

Just like he remembers, Reed sees the wide wooden deck with the railing. A soft wind blows Mattie's curls around and she looks beautiful like that. Well, Reed thinks she looks beautiful always. When he thinks about her and can't force herself to stop, Reed sees the way she furrows her brow in her concentration, the way she slightly takes her bottom lip between her teeth when her pen speeds across her paper and the way her mouth pulls together itself into a soft smile when she's reading whatever book enthralls her. Her curls either tumble her over her shoulder or falls freely. Like right now. Reed lets go of her hand.

Mattie gasps next to Reed, and he sees her full smile. She stands in the middle of the deck and goes in a full circle, her eyes shining.

"Oh my God – this view! It's—it's beautiful."

Reed stares at Mattie, her face lit up by wonder and her curls being lightly tousled by a cool summer wind.

"Yeah, it is."

—

Mattie sits on the swinging porch chair with Reed. She never really pays attention to it before but she loves the cool, laid back way he sits. He stares ahead with his legs crossed and stretched out in front of him until they rest comfortably on the railing. Curiosity and reaching for knowledge will always be things ingrained in her personality. It's second nature, a characteristic that is second nature and done on an autopilot only she can comprehend. Mattie can't help but wonder where Reed's blue-eyed gaze is going. How far is does he stare go? Is he really looking at anything to be begin with? She can't but stare at his profile even though she can see his face is serene and calm. It's also thoughtful as his slightly rocks the bench without removing his legs from the railing. She doesn't have to look at him all the way to know his brow is furrowed as he thoughts are tumbling around. She wants to ask, but the last thing she wants to do is intrude.

Finally, he talks, with a quiet chuckle and a shake of his head. He doesn't stop staring ahead.

"I hate that question. The one that asks where we see ourselves in five years."

Mattie sighs and grow quiet, her wheels in her head spinning fast. She loves that question. Not because there's a set time where everything has to happen but because it's a blueprint for her. She can plot out where she wants to head and work to get close, if not at the actual destination. Mattie plans to apply for Harvard, Yale and Princeton. She will apply for GCU too. She's already taking classes there so there's a hometown and academic advantage in her favour. Mattie wants to study pre-med and head to medical school to be a trauma surgeon, general physician or a gynecologist – maybe even specialize in cardiology. The heart. Mom is a model like her grandmother. Modelling and cameras aren't her thing but academics are. She wants to follow in her Aunt Liv's steps, instead. Being a doctor seems to be fulfilling and that's what she wants. Fulfilment.

"It's not necessarily an awful as it sounds."

"How do you figure?"

Mattie looks down before tucking a lock of her long curly hair behind her double pierced ear. She looks back up and meets his eyes.

"Five years isn't the number of years you have to complete a goal. I'm realizing that. I…think it means that people change and grow within five years. I have a plan. Hopefully, I can get there. I'm working hard to. I was planning to come home from my classes, finish my research paper tonight and then everything changed. I didn't plan it, but here I am and I'm glad you brought me here. I'm going to be a doctor," she declares, seriously. "It wasn't my first career choice but it's really one I want."

Reed looks at her inquisitively. "What if you became uh, like an astronaut?"

"Working for NASA wouldn't be bad. Floating suspended without gravity, being launched up into the atmosphere," she says, a slow growing smile on her face. It would be exhilarating being an astronaut seeing the Earth as a blue coloured ball of water and earth and Mars as on empty one of red dust. She never thinks of it but perhaps, Mattie wouldn't mind seeing new stars and discovering long hidden planets.

"You could also fly too close to the sun, y'know."

Mattie smiles, remembering a story she reads so many times it seems to be infinite.

"If I did, and fell, I'd catch myself."

"I'd totally catch you, Mattie."

"Seriously?" she asks, softly.

"Yeah," he answers, touching her cheek. "I would."

Something in the air changes. Mattie only hears about something like that from books, not experience. She doesn't until she locks eyes with Reed and neither of them can break it. Her heart races and she can hear its beating so loud in her ears. Maybe it's something she wants to happen or something that happens automatically but Mattie places her hand on top of Reed's free hand. It's not the warmth she experiences holding hands with him on their walk here. It's pure heat, as if he has the sun in his hands underneath his skin.

Before Mattie can form a thought and find some logical reason this is happening, Reed Hellstrom kisses her. He tastes of coffee with an underlying flavour of cigarettes and mint but Mattie can't break it. She doesn't want to break it. Her first kiss causes her sky change colour and melt, stars to explode and leaves her floating in a space devoid of gravity.

—

Reed absolutely will catch Mattie if she falls from flying too close to the sun not because she's like Icarus. Yeah, he knows how that is and has read the story. When he has to do a short essay on it, it's hard not to. He'd catch her because Mattie Ashby wouldn't burn but she would glow. In his mind, he pictures her. She's glowing and the brightest thing in the sky, greater than the sun. He'd catch her. To watch that brightness go away until it's gone would suck. It's wrong and not…her.

Mattie is smart, has her whole life planned out, is weirdly excited about school stuff but those are parts of her. Not all of her. She's sweet, fun, is the best person to have a car party with, has this smart mouth that makes him laugh, and has this unapologetic thing about not caring what other people say or think of her. Reed respects her so much she has no idea. Her hand finds his as his other one touches her skin – her cheek. Somewhere in his head, Reed sees the glowing. He never wants to stop seeing it. Something changes. Even behind her glasses, Mattie's warm brown eyes are intense, searching his face.

So, the porch of his family's cabin where the sky is like black velvet, the bubbling of the lake is a natural soundtrack and Genoa City is of another world strange to him, Reed kisses Mattie Ashby. He kisses her, her lips soft and the sweet smile of her perfume wafting around him, Reed realizes that this kiss is different from ones he has before. It's not like Zoey's ordinary kisses or Kendall's desperate ones like she tries so hard to be the most popular girl at GC High.

Kissing Mattie Ashby causing new lyrics to unravel in his brain, his sheet music to burn to ash, and musical notes explode into stars.

The stars float down and wrap themselves in her curly hair.

—

On an ordinary day in a coffeehouse, boy meets girl.

On another ordinary day saturated in summer fun and pool water, boy and girl realize their connection and friendship goes beyond their interconnected Newman and Winters families.

On this day, day slowly becomes night. They don't know what time it is but that's okay. They'll figure it out. The boy smiles down at the girl as she rests her head contently on his shoulder. This girl feels the warmth of her own blush as they hold hands, fingers intertwined like they are meant to be that way. The girl speaks of logic, and a sequence of events that occur as if they are fated to happen.

The boy presses a light kiss in her hair, taking in the smell of her mango scented shampoo.

Reed Hellstrom and Mattie Ashby agree.

This is their kind of normal now and it's the best kind.

—

 _fin._


End file.
